richter_spawn

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 10:50:28 GMT

Its a rainy afternoon, and everything is crazy.. Traffic is terrible, there is torrential rain coming from nowhere, and an extremely humid afternoon just before the downpour. Is it even a wonder why people get sick these days?

I think i am pregnant. I am craving for raw mangoes, and i have terrible mood swings.. On my way to work, i was walking in the rain, just listening to my sisters pink ipod. haha.. its nice and flashy so i had her trade it with me. . my mood changed from carefree, to calm, to furious and back to calm in the span of 3 hours. I even wonder how can jeff stand all the mood swings these days.. anyone know a good OBgyn? ahahaha..

It's jeffs bday tomorrow. I do know know what to get him. Actually, i already have one. I saw this really nice shoes in people are people. I kinda like it for my self. Good thing he's shoe size is a bit smaller than mine, so i wont be tempted to use the darn shoes first before i give it to him. hahaha..

I miss pot, david, pao and bert. i barely get to see you na guys. much more for pot! hmph..

time to go to start working. .

I'm back . .

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:36:34 GMT

For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.
-Leonardo da Vinci

What a pitty. .

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 21:41:13 GMT

When self pity begins to bother you, what is one supposed to do? Does the entire process of recovery include sulking in it until you get over it? Or should I follow my eternal motto of "Suck it up, and be a man"?

I have been bombarded of self doubts lately. And the past few days, it has bothered me more than it has ever done so my whole life- and the feeling sucks. I think i must have been focused on my self for too long that i forget that my current situation still makes me luckier than millions of people out there.

I was never brought up to feel that there are people who are going to better than me. My parents made sure that i knew that i can be the best, even until now. Everyone believes that i can be also. But there are times when i get bothered of the smallest things.

I guess all the insecurities that i am feeling stems out from all the uncertainty that i am feeling. Uncertain of achieving the future that i have long dreamt and planned for. Uncertain of the relationship that i have, not becuase i love him any less (infact i love him more each passing day) but because i know that i cannot be mr all-that for him, and when he meets the someone, i could easily be left on the sidelines and i wont have a choice but come back to the lonely life that i lived for years now. Uncertain of achieving what i always wanted ever since i was a kid- to be a pilot. So much uncertainty all at the same time does take a toll on your self esteem.

I guess, i can only start feeling better when i have these things at hand already. It might be next year, it might be a decade from now, it might never be, but i guess i have to settle with the fact that once in my life, i dreamt, and i dreamt big. And there was no more-fulfilling moment in my life but in those dreams.

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 01:22:58 GMT

Work was typical today. I had fun though, for some weird reason. I had lunch with anickdote, sosuemethen Queen (my officemate) and fiddydiddy. There was the usual rounds of taunting, disgusting antics, and never ending plans for the holidays ahead.

to junkyardkid and sosuemethen, i hope you guys have then best times together. hihih. Next time just make sure that I am not there! I can't do a fiddydiddy when i see those things (prentend that nothing is happening, but in reality, enjoying every second of it). hahaha.

guys, lets all meet up for christmas, or a few days after it. too bad david wont be here. hehe..

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 10:05:22 GMT

It's almost christmas. for some reason, i am looking forward to it like a kid, although i dont even have plans yet, not just for my self but for the house as well, being the one in charge and all. haha

ANyway, well went out last night fiddydiddy,sosuemethen and another guy who was really quiet.. It was fun, but i never realized just how busy everyone is doing what they have to do (myself included). It sucks that quality time between friends are reduced to just around 3 hours a week, spent on alcohol binge-ing, while trying our best to catch up with the latest about our lives. Even al has been really busy too. We barely get to talk. Well, at least not like before. I feel the distance, not just physically, but also emotionally. I guess that's life huh? I might have to get used to the fact that people have to do things on their own.

What is wrong with everything? atleast i have work to keep me busy, or else, i might go insane on how fast everything is going. Atleast i know i have done my best to keep the closeness. the rest is up to him.

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 11:00:52 GMT

It me and my langga's 6 monthsary. !! :)

anyway, well, since i am in a hurry. just an update.

-work has been doing well so far. training wise, we had our last day of accent training last night. and we got our grades then also. i was the highest in class. hahaha. yuck nerd.

-lovelife has never been better. I love al more than ever. and i cant wait til he comes back on the 23rd.

-social life? its still there. i get to manage to go out with friends other than my batch at work ont he weekends so its still all cool.

-christmas plans? none yet. i cant wait 'til payout tomorrow. I am seriously broke. haha

thanks pretty much all for now. :P

Officially EMPLOYED!! Hahah

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 12:32:43 GMT

In 3 days i was able to survive the exam, 2 interviews and countless hours of waiting in an office where i did not know anyone. I managed to talked to everyone i got to sit beside with (so totally unlike me, but i didnt have a choice. i was hella bored!) .

I will be working for West Contact Services starting monday. I am so excited. Although i lack cute and fun batchmates.. haha.. I guess i will be back to the labor force again. I am happy with the feeling.

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 18:48:27 GMT

got me into tears. am speechless. . (from annelle's blog).

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a
deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and
exclusively.

But God says, "No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and
content with living, loved by ME ALONE, with giving yourself totally
and unreservedly to ME ALONE. I love you, my child, and until you
discover that ONLY in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will
not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned
for you. You will never be united with another until you are united
with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other
desires or longings.

"I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you
that most thrilling plan existing, one that you can't imagine. I want
you to have the BEST! Please allow me to bring it to you. You just
keep watching me, expecting that satisfaction, expecting the greatest
things, and know that I Am. Keep learning and listening to the things
I tell you. YOU MUST WAIT!

"Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others
have received. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just
keep looking off and away up to me, or you'll miss what I want to show
you.

"And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more
wonderful than you would ever imagine. I am working this very minute
to have both of you ready at the same time, until you are both
satsifeid exclusively with me and the life I have planned and prepared
for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies
your relationship with me... and this is perfect love.

"Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to
see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and to enjoy
materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and
perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you
utterly. I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied."

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 14:50:31 GMT

Langga, im at a loss without you. please..

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 06:17:04 GMT

Why do people read the news?

Is it really because they are grossly concerned with what is happening to the rest of the world while they sit helplessly in front of the television a computer? Or is merely just an escape and an excuse to channel that sorry feeling out of one's current situation and transfer it to whats happening to the rest of society?

I for one would read the news everytime i am online. My homepage is set to http://inq7.net even. But even if i had read everything there already, i still sometimes return to the site when i feel bad and start rereading them again. It is my escapist way of trying to distract myself from what's bothering me. Moreover, it is also a chance for me to feel that despite my rather unfortunate status quo, relatively, i am still in a better situation than that of a great majority of the people i read about.

Maybe i should get another distraction. Or maybe i should continue.. I don't know what is best, but atleast while i continue to stay the same, i can always carry out the excuse that i really am curious of what is happening to our country and our world. and i really am looking for ways that i can, in my own little way make a difference. in one way or another...

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 03:28:17 GMT

The past weeks, I have been spending time with a different set of friends. I am with one set on one particular occassion, and completely another set on the other. It still surprises me that i have amassed quite a number of aquaintances from all the gimiks that i had been going through the past few years. hehe..

But despite all that, i still have to stumble on a group i can feel completely at ease with and i can hang with at any occassion- may it be drinking sessions on a club, or just one of those alcohol to keep me sane moments. Since my langga left for the States, not only did i temporarily part ways with a lover, i also parted ways with a best friend, drinking buddy, knight in shining armor (especially when i am drunk), and a willing ear to listen to my frustrations. (part ways in the physical sense ah, we are NOT in the cool off situation.. haha).

Classes will resume soon, and everyone is going to be busy again. sosuemethen is still in davao and fiddydiddy is in bangkok. Despite the relatively long break though, we only got to go out once. But atleast mr. straight best friend Paolo G., despite being busy with his girlfriend, gets to hang and catch up with me. . haha . .

Oh well, it is all good. Just feels good to know that despite the physical absence, friends would always be there.

And oh yeah, it is great to have met everyone last saturday sa government. hehe.. legally_bald sorry i totally could now know what your name here was. haha. .

And my point is? Uhh, i dont know.. maybe... i still have friends. yipee...

Langga, go home na. :((

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 02:01:26 GMT

Is it good to talk about people behind their backs? And not just some minor stuff like how ugly someone's shirt was, but something else that is just too darn fucked up to actually specify.

Last night, Paolo G. and I met again for the first time in 7 months. Since he left for the states and didnt hear much from him the entire time, we felt the need to catch up on so much stuff over lunch, coffee, donuts, and dinner. None-stop eating. During one of those non-stop talking session, the topic went from discussing our love lives to stuff that he was hearing about me.

Things i realized last night:

1. Apathy does have its disadvantages.
2. It sucks when people actually talk about bad stuff behind your back, and
3. It sucks more when the people who talk negatively about you behind your back are people that you thought were your friends to start with.

Yes, this is a hate entry.
Yes, this is a rant at the same time.

To all those who think they are so blameless, fuck you. If you dont know who you guys are, i wont be surprised. Just next time dont give me this shit that we're supposed to be friends.

Friends dont talk shit about each other. Atleast if there was shit worthy to be talked about, it should never intended to be derogatory to start with.

"Don't judge me because i am not a book" to quote melanie m.
and here's one from me. "fuck off losers.. who ever you people are".

Ha ha ha ...

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 04:13:33 GMT

funny why we ever had to meet

if only to be reduced to strangers in the end

funny how we could hurt each other

with words we thought would make things easier

funny why we should fool each other

with deceiving smiles and "hellos"

with looks that were empty and hollow

funny how we could say so many things

that came only from the tongue

funny why we should try to bear

with each other's company even when

our hearts cry for someone else

funny why I can't look straight in your eyes

whenever I say "I Love You" and why

why you have to close your eyes

whenever we touch

funny how we could think of giving it up

after all the long summers that we had

well, it's not funny anymore

can something or somebody save this relationship

from ending or, at least, prevent these

funny lines from fading......

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.......

stop!!! please.....

I loved you....

noooooooooooooooooo!!!

ha, ha, ha.

-Roger Macusi

----> this is so sad.. :( but deserves contemplation

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 21:37:38 GMT

Its 5am and i am watching an old movie in cinema one when one of claudine's movie with the adorable piolo, flashed a scene with claudine, crying, said "Mahal mo ba ako dahil kelngan mo ako o Kelangan mo ako dahil mahal mo ako?"

Then it struck me. It is possible for love to start from need. The need for intimacy perhaps, the need for sexual fulfillment, need for emtional stability, or just the need to show everyone that good catch. The possibilities are endless. haha..

The more romantic side of me however wants to think about the kind of love that creates the need and not the other way around. I want the person to love me first, and eventually, because of that love, he would need to improve himself, or he would need to do this and that. I cannot think of countless reasons, but we have to admit, it still is more romantic. Although a little bit less realistic that the first one.

So for people who found the love of their lives rooting from the latter, cherish it. It is definitely something special. For those whose love started from the former, don't get me wrong. It is not a bad thing, and snaps for the both of you if it springs a relationship that is mature and stable at that.

- and my mind suddenly ceases to function. haha

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 09:38:44 GMT

OMG! I just had to answer this, and i kinda expected the results too, but it did not stop me from gasping when my guess was affirmed! *blush*

no compliment or insult here,. just the way things are i guess. haha. .

but the prediction was too late. I did find my love. and i why settle with a great 2 weeks when you can have a great lifetime with the one you love. (love you ga *mwah*)

You Are Most Like Samantha!

For you, dating is the ultimate sport
You're into guys with power, looks, or a lot of money.
You rather have a great two weeks than a great forever.
But even you fall victim to love from time to time. :-)

Romantic prediction: You'll find love in the next few months...

But you'll be the last one to realize it.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 16:35:50 GMT

Your Kissing Purity Score: 29% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell...

But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

whaat the hell!?????!?!?!?!?!?

but this one.. hmm.. is kinda true. ;-)

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 07:55:06 GMT

What a boring saturday night. Fine, it was nice seeing my college friends and all. It was also an expeience to be (for the first time my entire life) the only one who did not have a ounce of alcohol when everyone else had severely impaired motor skills.

I went home around 1 in the morning. Surprising because before, that's just the time i would go out of the house to party. Anyway, i went online talked to Al for a bit but for some reason, i was really tired. I didn't even dance or do anything physical, but i was, so i called it a night.

I woke up officially around 2pm. Went online for a while, but was not in the mood either. What is wrong with today? Everything just doesn't seem to be in place and i am the only one in the position to improve on everything. Oh well, at least i can somehow improve on it, although right now i dont have any idea. What those things are , at this time, i can honestly say they are too many to mention (now now, it sounds like an answer in the autograph-collecting days of grade school and highschool).

OH well, i guess i better get on with it. Ugh

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 13:58:36 GMT

Well, i guess it it official. Al would be leaving for the States tomorrow (monday) morning. The entire day today (sunday) simply flew by us as had been the case during our "normal" days.

-->It seemed just yesterday when we just had our first month together, and the months that followed.

-->It seemed just like yesterday when i waited for 4 hours for him outside the US Embassy to get his student visa.

-->It seemed just like yesterday when we went to Bangkok together and had the time of our lives.

-->It seemed just like yesterday when we fought like two mentally deranged people, yet managed to kiss and make up faster than anyone can ennumerate all the presidents that the United States ever had.

Tonight especially, as I look back to everything that has had happened to me since i met him last June 2, 2006, i still cannot quite comprehend how almost 4 months could have just gone by.

A roller coaster of emotions, thats the nest phrase i could describe today. One minute, we are happy that we still get to spend our last day together, yet the next minute we end up teary eyed knowing that by this time tomorrow, we would be away from each other - and this time, we would be separated for more than our standing record of 12-hours... 3 months to be exact. But i would count it to experience.

(Ga), i know this might not be that easy for the both of us, but as i promised you over and over again, i am going to wait for you until you come back so that we can go on with our plans. And who knows, when your entire school there is over (15months), we would once again look back and it would ........

--> seem just like yesterday when we first said our goodbyes to each other - but this time with a smile not only on our lips, but also in our hearts knowing that the entire time we have spent together and away from each other, we decided to stay with each other.

I love you 'ga and I hope you enjoy the States, and 'til next time you take care. *hugs*

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 10:24:39 GMT

In a few minute, Al an i would be leaving for the airport, but while waiting for him to finish taking a bath, i came accross this cute vid. check it out. hahah

(here's the link also for those behind a firewall)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED5IcFqnV1I

if anyone has suggestions for the places we should visit in bangkok, just text me. haha..

*am excited*

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 11:28:22 GMT

I like the way yesterday and today went. Friday morning, i received the news that i passed aviation school. . Everyone thought i would early on, but it was the "i'd rather be sure" self and always replied with a shy "i hope so". . Well anyway, poor boyfriend had to endure my sudden decision of scrapping the last night in tagaytay and hurried back to manila to get the mail itself, but i am glad that he was all patient and very supportive about all these..

Anyway, that night, we went to government.. It wasnt exactly an explosive night, but it was weirdly fun. Got drunk a bit.. and of course had fun.. Went home in pioneer, and fell asleep while being massaged. I should add that to the reasons why i love al so much.. haha..

I am going to paste a blog i wrote in multiply a few days ago. I made it for al to read thats why i posted it there in the first place. Just something mushy to show that even as we are going to 3 months in a couple of weeks, i am still crazy about him, no matter if it doesnt seem so (when i get all moody and all - am sure fiddydiddy and sosuemethen are nodding in agreement to this one! ) haha..

-- There are countless reasons why i love you, but i will list down just ten. 10 wonderful things that help keep our relationship an envy for some, and just a dream for most. I love you.

10. I never thought (until you came along) that sleeping in a single sized bed with someone could actually be cozy.
09. Never had someone endured so much of my mood swings and lived to tell the tale, until you came along.
08. With no one can i snuggle with as naturally as with you.
07. Eating used to be a chore (thats why i never gained weight), until you made me realize that it is an enjoyable activity.
06. You have accepted the entire of me, even the negative things.
05. There was no such thing as play time, until you made me realize how fun it is to be a kid again.
04. Never have i spent so much time (77 days straight) with anyone and actually still enjoy every minute of it.
03. Never had someone spent time talking to my siblings, the way you do.
02. I would still be closeted to my mom, if not for the inspiration you have given me.
01. and, NO ONE CAN LOVE ME MORE THAN YOU DO NOW.

--Love has many reasons, but you are my only reason. Belated happy second month, and looking forward to more happy months and years with you.

---------------

Today, we spent the entire day sleeping. woke up at around 3pm , and actually ate our first meal around 5:30pm already. i was dizzy already while waiting for the food but everything became better after eating - as expected..

Lyra, (no not pot!, but another lyra) my blockmate from school, would be meeting up with me and margaux later. We're going to Lyra's lolo's wake. He passed away a couple of days ago.. *condolences to her and her family*..

anyway ill go need to take a shower now. just wanted to take note of this month especially the past few days.. i love it. =)

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 12:48:22 GMT

Manila Pride came and went, and it wasn't exactly explosive. Maybe i had just been around too much that it should take something extra spectacular to impress me, but in all fairness, the party was not bad. We felt as if the booze was free (came with the table which was expensive already if you ask me) but it was still all worth it.. I'm going to count it to experience this time.. When youre drunk you never care anyway. TOo bad i did not see this video just before the party though. It would have uplifted my mood more. haha.. Come on, take a peek! i know you want to! *wink*

Glenn sent this to me by the way.. hehe

Pot, for you, im sending the url instead since you might be using the connection in the office that has a firewall and whatever those technical shit you have in your computer. hehe..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeev9PIlfA4

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 06:26:17 GMT

"Live long enough to find the right one".

You guys should check this out. its a short video about homosexual life. intriguing. *grin*

--

I love youtube.com. haha

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 06:15:17 GMT

i hadnt updated my blog for quite some time. its not that i am busy but the drive to tell the whole world had happned to me a certain day never came.

this day however is particularly interesting. al had a bad dream.. id rather not say what it was but the gist was he texted a few people about it, and his mom actually told him that it is his subconsious insecurities hunting him through his dreams. well maybe, but i think i would need ideas on how i could reassure him how much i love him still. we're done with out second monthsary, but we're still crazy with each other. im sure pao and david can see that. =)

here's a funny vid i saw.. its "how to tell your parents your gay" for dummies. hahahaha

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 19:05:23 GMT

Your Seduction Style: Siren / Rake

You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many.

The minute you meet anyone, you can make the crave you almost immediately.

You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss.

A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

haha. these stuff are actually interesting. haha

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 18:53:12 GMT

You scored as Chemistry. You should be a Chemistry major! As if that isnt clear enough, you are deeply passionate about Chemistry, and every single chemical reaction and concept fascinates you. Pursue that!

</td>

Chemistry

100%

Biology

100%

Psychology

92%

Anthropology

75%

Mathematics

67%

Theater

67%

Journalism

67%

Sociology

67%

English

58%

Philosophy

58%

Linguistics

58%

Dance

42%

Engineering

33%

Art

17%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

it figures. haha